The Funny Fellowship of the Ring
by shinelrond
Summary: The fellowship of the ring that wasn't portrayed in the book or the movie... some swearing, shouldn't be anything big


The scene opens up with Galadriel bantering on about the history of middle earth and three elves standing in no place in particular, staring down at their fingers.  
  
"Oooooh, it's shiny!" Cirdan exclaims happily, "Shiny and red!"  
  
"Yippee! Mines blue, all sparkly and…blue." Gil-galad throws in as he starts to do a little dance.  
  
"It's…almost…hypnotizing…" Galadriel is rocking back and forth on her feet, staring intently at the ring upon her finger. Gil-galad and Cirdan look at her with worry and slowly back away.  
  
"It was during the last alliance of elves and men that ring boy," ShinElrond pops up next to Galadriel and elbows her in the side, "Oh, I mean Isildur, son of the King took up his father's sword and cut the ring from Sauron's hand."  
  
We then see Sauron prancing around, waving his mace around and crushing everyone about him. Elendil, though called 'The Tall,' seems very short next to him, which makes you wonder why he just charged him, but he did and Sauron, continuing to prance happily, just smacks him out of the way. Everyone then cowers in fright, not because Sauron overpowered the King…but because he was beginning to sing.  
  
"The hills of Barad-dûr are alive with the sound of music and killing and maiming!"  
  
So ring boy, believing that, for the sake of the sanity of all, he must stop the horrible singing, goes and gets his father's sword which is now broken because the horrible tune being belted out by Sauron shattered it, and runs up to him.  
  
For some unknown reason, Sauron actually pays attention to teeny ring boy and reaches down to get him with the hand that has the ring on it(what a moron). Isildur, seeing the opportunity, takes the broken but still pointy sword and…proceeds to prick Sauron's hand numerous times until an elf(the far better race in this writers opinion) runs up to Isildur and reminds him that he's supposed to cut off the ring, not just poke Sauron. Isildur is then handed several books pertaining to the history of Middle-Earth and he reads some of the book marked pages.  
  
"Oh, right!" Sauron, who was leaning on his mace and buffing his nails while waiting for Isisldur, picks it up and goes to smite the crap out of ring boy for ruining his best pair of leather gloves. This time, as he reaches down to grab ring boy again, Isildur takes his pointy broken sword and just lops of Sauron's hand. The Dark Lord's eyes get wide as he stares down at his hand-less arm.  
  
"Son of a bitch! Was that really necessary? I mean, you already get one finger and the one ring, did you have to be so greedy?" Isildur begins to chew on his nails nervously.  
  
The battle about them just kinda stops as some orcs come out with a big bottle of crazy glue and dribble some on to their Lord's hand. Sauron, now sitting cross legged on the ground is still gripping his mace, anticipating what is to happen next as he just read a few of the history books. Gil- galad(far smarter than Isildur, takes this opportunity to sneak up silently behind the Dark Lord but, just as he is about to plunge Aeglos into his back, is crushed underneath Sauron's mace as he whips it behind himself. Various Elves begin to whine and complain that the battle was paused and that was an unfair move.  
  
Sauron gets a little nervous as he sees the UCMECians being held back behind a line of elves. Nemis, Kelsey and Joan are attempting to grab the history books of Middle-Earth to whip at Sauron while Autumn, Harle, Katy and Casey have managed to get weapons and are trying to get throughout the line of elves to kill Sauron. Chibi duo flies up and reminds them that they're in the wrong fic and that in the one they're supposed to be in, there's still time to save Gil-galad. The UCMECians then look excited, whip the books at Sauron anyway and run off. Sauron rubs his helmet where the books bounced off and looks back to his hand.  
  
The orcs finish sticking Sauron's hand back on and quickly scamper off to join their ranks. Sauron gets up and once more begins to reach for Isildur. He takes a deep, steadying breath, stiffens his posture, lunges at the Dark Lord and….lops off three fingers.  
  
"Oh, bloody Mandos."  
  
"Sorry." Isildur says as shrugs his shoulder. Everyone on the field, getting a little tired of the Prince's, now King's, stupidity yells, "Just go with it!" So Sauron shrugs his shoulders as well and disappears in a billowy cloud of gray smoke and, dramatically, his helmet falls to the ground.  
  
"Sauron, the enemy of the free people of Middle-Earth was defeated."  
  
Isildur picks up one of the three fingers, it crumbles in ashes and ring boy can finally truly be called ring boy. But ring boy was still very stupid and kept the ring even when Elrond, the greatest gift to us from Ilúvatar since…Gil-galad:), goes through all the trouble of taking him up the mountain and tells him to chuck it into the fire. But don't worry, Isildur gets him comeuppance, while going out for a stroll one day, he gets attacked and killed by some orcs and then the ring passes out of all knowledge pretty much and everyone's all happy.  
  
This is the beginning of the greatest tale ever told….except this is the stuff you didn't see in the movie and didn't read in the book….  
  
Special thanks to the UCMECians for allowing me to place them in my story and whip things at Sauron. Also to Tolkien, my God, creator of the greatest fantasy world ever and writer of the greatest books…ever:) and to Peter Jackson for giving me the movie…and something to poke fun at:)  
  
More to come, review please:) 


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